So Im back in Oregon USA. Its been like three weeks. My plan is to go back through my journal and post stuff that is of any interest.
But for how I feel right now. I think the best is feeling lost. I guess that the reverse culture shock is thitting hard.
I dont know I would really love to be back in Tanzania with Fadhili and just to be there. It is strange because in December I really was getting tired of it. Maybe because I truly am American, I need my space, variety in my food taste, etc. In TZ I could not stand that I could not do anything by myself. I do love being able to go to the store at 12 at night and not have to worry about anything. But I got used to being around people all the time. But right now I can tell that Im avoiding my friends, for some reason I dont really want to be around anyone, but still feel alone and that I wish I had someone to be with.
Also since Im in Oregon and its winter, Im freezing my ass off. I mean I have been sweating for six months in Africa and now Im freaking cold. Im adjusting a little bit, but damn!!!!
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Getting drunk
So late Sunday night Marc texted me and asked me if I wanted to go to Saana Juu for a drink. It was so funny, I realized how stubborn I am especially when everyone else is not drunk with me. I only had two beers and a packet of Concac (hard OH) I was so drunk after that, I didn’t think about it but I have not really drank in a long time and I didn’t eat anything before that, it was cute, I sat between standard and midget peach. It also was funny because most of the time I was holding hands with Midget, or trying to bite him because he was hold my hand too tight. I was also trying to tickle him. But with Marc I had my foot on his chair most of the time and we gave each other looks. He didn’t drink which kind of unset me but I guess that it was good, because if we were both drunk it might not have been good of us. He asked me if I wanted another after the second one I told him if I drank one more I would end up in his bed if he liked it or not; he smiled. After the two he was trying to get me to drink a packet of Concac, I said that I would drink anything he gave me. So we walked back to Siha, its like 2.5 km, a long freaking way in the dark, around 8pm, drunk and with asthma. Towards the end I was starting to get tired. It was funny, because since everyone can see me, I was trying to not be drunk. So funny. At one point they were talking about how we were moving slow, and so I tried to jog, and almost fell down, then they said after that we cold slow down and they tried to pull me so I would slow down, and I shook them off. I hate to be cared for. When we got back they said lets have a rest in the grass. I laid down, and My Nyari just happened to walk by he came over and laughed at me. I didn’t really care. Then we went to see the Dar boys I hugged them in the middle area out side and then Marc dusted me off. It was pretty funny. All I wanted to do was sleep, but they made food and milk by the time I went home I was sober. At one point we, Marc and I were laying on the bed and I tried to kiss him when no one was in the room but he pushed me off and said no. I have mixed feelings about that.
Marking Territory
A teacher liking it ruff, and telling me I’m intelligent for marking my territory. I told him that he is ruff that later he asked me what the benefits of scratching were, I told him that it can be stimulating, that it is a way of marking territory, and something else. He didn’t understand the marking territory. I told him that some girls, like Kris made her boy bleed, like to scratch guys backs during sex; and that it was a way of marking the territory if a girl leaves marks, then if another girl sees it she will now that he has a girl. He laughed and said that I was very intelligent of that, I just smiled.
Throwing balls
25 July 2007
Wednesday so today I had some students fall asleep so I started to correct that behavior, First I had his friend wake him up and then asked him to come up and erase some stuff on the board, it was only like three lines, and then had him sit down. The next student I had come up to the front of the room and just stand there, I felt bad for him, but I need to try to figure out a way to make things work. It was really nice, one of the students in the C class, asked to add to something, he came up and wrote some stuff on the board and then asked me how the increased pressure worked during blood filtration, I explained it to him and then he explained it in Kiswahili, and then students started to ask questions, I was so happy. It was really good to find out that they just cant understand me not that they don’t care.
Wednesday so today I had some students fall asleep so I started to correct that behavior, First I had his friend wake him up and then asked him to come up and erase some stuff on the board, it was only like three lines, and then had him sit down. The next student I had come up to the front of the room and just stand there, I felt bad for him, but I need to try to figure out a way to make things work. It was really nice, one of the students in the C class, asked to add to something, he came up and wrote some stuff on the board and then asked me how the increased pressure worked during blood filtration, I explained it to him and then he explained it in Kiswahili, and then students started to ask questions, I was so happy. It was really good to find out that they just cant understand me not that they don’t care.
I intimidate boys
22 July 2007
So apparently the boys at Siha like me, they have also noticed that I am friends with the male teachers and not the female teachers. And by the term boys at Siha, I mean the entire male student body. They asked me why I hung out with males and not females. I told them that I grew up close with my brother and guys are more fun than girls most of the time.
Dennis and his friends came over and hung out for a few hours. It was really funny, because they were talking not in English, I knew that it was something about me by the way that they were acting, but they wouldn’t tell me. They eventually said that it was a personal question and didn’t want to disrupt me, I told them that it was fine to ask me, the question was why I don’t have a boyfriend. I said that I intimidate guys.
When Dennis and his friends were walking me to get my kanga, I was showing them it and the fact that the proverb, basically says that bad people talk about others and not about themselves, quite fitting in my option, then Dennis said the wedding would be very soon. I chased after him to hit him and he ran. I then threw my shoe at him. They were all laughing. He was just joking, but when we were at the tailor shop the women said something about getting married in Africa, Dennis started laughing. I told them that it was the second time this week that someone told me that.
I so excited to wear my skirt tomorrow, I hope that it will make some people think twice before talking about me.
So apparently the boys at Siha like me, they have also noticed that I am friends with the male teachers and not the female teachers. And by the term boys at Siha, I mean the entire male student body. They asked me why I hung out with males and not females. I told them that I grew up close with my brother and guys are more fun than girls most of the time.
Dennis and his friends came over and hung out for a few hours. It was really funny, because they were talking not in English, I knew that it was something about me by the way that they were acting, but they wouldn’t tell me. They eventually said that it was a personal question and didn’t want to disrupt me, I told them that it was fine to ask me, the question was why I don’t have a boyfriend. I said that I intimidate guys.
When Dennis and his friends were walking me to get my kanga, I was showing them it and the fact that the proverb, basically says that bad people talk about others and not about themselves, quite fitting in my option, then Dennis said the wedding would be very soon. I chased after him to hit him and he ran. I then threw my shoe at him. They were all laughing. He was just joking, but when we were at the tailor shop the women said something about getting married in Africa, Dennis started laughing. I told them that it was the second time this week that someone told me that.
I so excited to wear my skirt tomorrow, I hope that it will make some people think twice before talking about me.
Engulfing boys
20 July 2007
I engulfed Erasto. that consisted of me tackling him on the bed at their house, it was so funny, he was fighting it then gave up. It was kind of annoying, to say that someone is fat is not a bad thing here, but it get annoying when people say “your so fat”.
So this afternoon I washed my hair because I knew that I would not get the chance any other way, by the time I went over there it was dry. All the guys petted me at least once, it was so funny, it was like they never touched white person hair before. They would run their fingers in my hair and pet it, Erasto, actually started to pull it, I informed him that it was indeed attached to my head and would not come off.
It was so cool later in the night, I was sitting on the bed and Erasto came and laid down next to me, and used my leg as a pillow, my heart went yea, I love that the guys are that comfortable with me, and for once it is just a friend thing, no strings attached. I realized how close we are around each other. When we walk around, we hold hands at times, drap our arms around each other, Im in heaven. I love having four guys to play with that actually want to hangout with me.
I engulfed Erasto. that consisted of me tackling him on the bed at their house, it was so funny, he was fighting it then gave up. It was kind of annoying, to say that someone is fat is not a bad thing here, but it get annoying when people say “your so fat”.
So this afternoon I washed my hair because I knew that I would not get the chance any other way, by the time I went over there it was dry. All the guys petted me at least once, it was so funny, it was like they never touched white person hair before. They would run their fingers in my hair and pet it, Erasto, actually started to pull it, I informed him that it was indeed attached to my head and would not come off.
It was so cool later in the night, I was sitting on the bed and Erasto came and laid down next to me, and used my leg as a pillow, my heart went yea, I love that the guys are that comfortable with me, and for once it is just a friend thing, no strings attached. I realized how close we are around each other. When we walk around, we hold hands at times, drap our arms around each other, Im in heaven. I love having four guys to play with that actually want to hangout with me.
About TZ relationships and dating
16 July 2007
So today was interesting, Marc came before and after classes; I spent like 2.5 hours with him. We talked about so many different things; Brian, Mary his ex, my parents, divorce, how schools are different, so many different things. The most interesting part was when we started talking about us. I was talking about the difference about dating here and in the states. Apparently dating is not common here, they don’t even have a word for it in the language; he was surprised at how common it was in the states. He asked me what a couple do, how is it different from just friends, and how people pick their partner. I started to laugh because I was basically describing why I was interested in him; and when it came to what couples do, I was describing it and he asked me, and “what are we?” (I don’t know yet. I told him honestly). I said that couples, basically is a boy and girl that spends the most time together. Which by todays example( 10 hours) would fit us. But later when we were walking I started talking again. I asked him how is felt about me and the whole possibility of us. I was let down, but the message I got was that the environment was not good for it, because of the people that we live with and everything, but he told me not to feel awkward around him, just be normal. That threw me because Charles said to be normal around him too. For most of the walk up I could tell that I was withdrawn from him but on the way back down. It was better mainly because of the joke about the cows being afraid of me and warning the other cows, as we passed each on they mooed.
So today was interesting, Marc came before and after classes; I spent like 2.5 hours with him. We talked about so many different things; Brian, Mary his ex, my parents, divorce, how schools are different, so many different things. The most interesting part was when we started talking about us. I was talking about the difference about dating here and in the states. Apparently dating is not common here, they don’t even have a word for it in the language; he was surprised at how common it was in the states. He asked me what a couple do, how is it different from just friends, and how people pick their partner. I started to laugh because I was basically describing why I was interested in him; and when it came to what couples do, I was describing it and he asked me, and “what are we?” (I don’t know yet. I told him honestly). I said that couples, basically is a boy and girl that spends the most time together. Which by todays example( 10 hours) would fit us. But later when we were walking I started talking again. I asked him how is felt about me and the whole possibility of us. I was let down, but the message I got was that the environment was not good for it, because of the people that we live with and everything, but he told me not to feel awkward around him, just be normal. That threw me because Charles said to be normal around him too. For most of the walk up I could tell that I was withdrawn from him but on the way back down. It was better mainly because of the joke about the cows being afraid of me and warning the other cows, as we passed each on they mooed.
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