Stupid things and trip to Moshi

15 July
Today was great, we went all over the place; my first stupid mistake. After we got to Moshi, I was standing around and this guy came up to me and put his arm on my shoulder. After ne left I looked down and the 500 Tsh that I had in my pocket was gone. I knew what he was doing, but could not move. I’ve thrown more money then that on the grown before so I was not upset.

So when we were walking around it was funny these three guys were passing us and one asked Mac why he was making the white person walk so fast. He walks fast but not that fast compared to Americans. I laughed. So also I chauked this up to trying to make a effort of mixing with the culture but Dennis says that I was sending the wrong message all over the place to everyone. Marc and I held hands from time to time. He would grab my hand to pull me somewhere or would slap it and I just let it stay there; holding just enough pressure to hold it, but if he released just a little bit they dropped. Because of the whole friends holding hands; I was trying to be friends. Dennis said that what it looked like to others was that we’re going out; because we are different sex and the same age. Damn.

Dennis said that it seemed to him that I did not return the affection and that I should put limitations on the relationship; and tell him, I just want to be friends and nothing more. That way any message is not interpreted incorrectly. My problem is that I don’t want to limit myself. I do like talking to him. I like how he is not always, God this and God that; actually the only thing related to God is the fact that I know he goes to church. I realize that I like guys that challenge me, I think that is why I liked Alex for so long, I don’t think he ever stopped or let me slide while I was with him. Now with Alex I know it was because he cant really think beyond himself, but with guys in general I find that Im attracted to guys like that. When we were walking we would ask me if I was tired and would wait for me to rest, but we kept going in the loop. With Donald it was different, he kept asking me if I was tired and when I said I was he suggested we turn around, quit.

One of the major problems with all this is that I feel that all the younger guys are for the most part competing with each other for me. Actually I feel that there is three competitors currently, Donald (who as made is very obvious), Benn (some hints here and there he mainly spends his time talking to me and saying “ok” and “so nice” in the cutest accent), and the late comer Marc (so far the best choice in my book). He has 5 siblings, 2 sisters (youngest) and 3 brothers I have already met two brothers. He said that he was going to take me to his home sometime. I told him that I would teach him to drive in the states.

I think that was the one to bring it up but I asked when Marc would be getting married, apparently they have weddings on Saturday. They are fantastic and very noisy. He said that maybe after being at the university, which he hopes to go to in Sept. I made a sad face. I said “your leaving?” in Sept. but Im here until Dec.. I said that I didn’t really have a time when I would get married, probably after I finish the university because I had only one year left, and that is not enough time to plan a wedding.

Okay I need to stop myself. I am already trying to figure out how to make that relationship work. All we did is hold hands, and Im thinking how weird it would be for mom to have two daughters marry within two years, and would the school that he is at have a good bio and anthro dept. Too much too fast. I talked to mom and Dan just now. I told her about holding hands, she asked me if I had kissed him, completely different culture. She said that I should not get involved with any teachers because it could cause trouble and that he could come visit me in the states. Mom!!! The thing about holding the hands was that I liked it, I remember comparing holding hands with Marc to Chris; when Chris and I held hands I felt like he was showing me off like a new ring, Brian was the same way if he had something that could be impressive to others, he had to show off and show it off. I hate that. I mean where is the tact. If I’m reading it correctly that Marc is into me, then I like his personality in that he was chil about it, we held hands than let go, there was no rush to grab hands again.